Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
