her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
