She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
