well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
