I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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