Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
