So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
