My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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