if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
