Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
