I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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