is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
