Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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