Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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