Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
