i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
