if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
