he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Sext me about skeletons
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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