We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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