Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
