If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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