I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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