if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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