Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
