i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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