There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My breasts were aching with rage.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
