Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
