He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
