Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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