I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
