Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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