im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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