whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
