I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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