Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
