CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
This is the high leading the old right now
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
