I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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