mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
