i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
