dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
