So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
