We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Randomize
