I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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