people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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