Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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