How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
