Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
