You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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