WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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