Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
