yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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