he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
