I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
True strength comes from lack of pants
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
