please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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