She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
